Vegas - Day 3
Please note: The follwing entry was written the morning after my night at Jet as described below. I woke up intoxicated and was still intoxicated when writing it. Normally, I read, reread, and then reread a couple more times in an effort to find mistakes. However, I have decided to leave this one as is for comic value.Holy fuck…
So, I just woke up and Im still drunk.
Yesterday, I played poker and fucking lost. All in KK vs AA preflop. All duds on the board. So fuck that game. After I busted out I was like fuck that shit and I went back to the room. Matt was still gonna play, which is cool. You know, ‘cause he is good at that shit. And I was like you know what… whatever, Im gonna have some fucking fun.
So I went to Jet at the Mirage. I got there early as shit. Which was a good call on my part. Single guy, by himself… not really the kind of guy they will let into a club if Im not already at the front of the line.
I pregamed before leaving. Half and half shots of skyy and code red. I don’t think I realized how messed up I was before I left. Cabbed it over the Mirage.
Anything in particular?... I sposes. The place was great. Lights and lasers and shit everywhere. Oh yeah… and I met these two Irish chicks, one of which was named Maura. Whichi I thought was really crazy. Well, I mean , she was pretty chill, it was just a little weird cause the only Maura I know is bad news bears… Although I guess I know two now… Her friends was Emma, btw. Classic Irish names. Regardless, I had met a bunch of Indian dudes from Vancouver while in line. I let them take those. It looked like they had a good time.
I kept drinking and drinking. Most of it was a blur and a half. At some point, I was taken out by the bouncers .Not forcefully or anything… And I left fuckin ID and credit card in there somewhere… however…the bouncers were really nice. And I wasn’t causing any trouble… I was just apologetic cause they had pay attention to me. Regardless, they escorted me to a cab. I called the mirage this morning to see if they had my shit… which they did. Good thing…
I don’t remember the cab ride back at all. I don’t remember how I made it to the room. I woke up on the floor in between our beds… Matt gave me a pillow and a blanket… Otherwise it would have realty really sucked…
My head hurts so bad…
Vegas - Day 2
Yesterday, Matt and I headed to the Venetian. Which was pretty sweet. Well, to be fair, it actually kind of pissed me off that I was screwed out of going to Venice. But that is another story. And a crappy one.
As far as stuff to write about, Matt and I just played poker there until like 8:30. I lost, Matt won…. Gee, didn’t see that one coming.
Afterwards, we had dinner at this Hayakumi at Caesars Palace. Bangin’ sushi.
Then we went back to the hotel to get all pimped out for the nighttime. ‘Cause the night time is the right time. Yee ha.
We headed over to Body English at the The Hard Rock. Which sucked. Actually, it was probably pretty fuckin sweet. However, the line was redonkulous.
So we gave up on that shit and headed to Light at The Bellagio. Which was much, much easier to get into it. And it was pretty sweet. Honestly, it was a little less classy than I expected from a club in The Bellagio. However, it was still pretty awesome. Much in the same way that Teazers was was less classy than Wanda’s, yet it was the most fun place of that trip. Montreal shout out, baby.
However, the coolest part of the day, for me was that we kept seeing famous people. We saw a bunch of famous athletes, I don’t really know that many, but Matt kept pointing them out. At Light we saw the Forest Whitaker from The Shield. And while we were waiting at Body English, I saw Michael Rosenbaum. I was like, “Holy shit, that’s... that's Lex Luthor!”
Vegas - Day 1
Well, as many of you know, I’m spending a week in Las Vegas. While I suspect that I won’t be able to post this till I return, I figured I’d chronicle my adventures in some form. If this week goes the way I want it to, I never want to forget it.
When I arrived it was already too late to do anything because the plane was late. The flight that I was taking to Vegas was on a plane that was arriving in Philly from Orlando. And it was storming pretty badly on the east coast so the plane as delayed. I ended up getting to my hotel and all settled in at like 4pm. By that time, nothing was open. Well, let me rephrase… all the stuff I wanted to do that night was either closed up… or had lines to get in that would have taken longer to get through than the place would have been open. And Matt was beat from pokering all day, so we just crashed out. Yeah, I know,... pussy… but I figured I had a week of this shit in front of me. So fuck off.
Next morning, we headed out to the city. We took the monorail to the MGM Grand. I didn’t know they had monorails anywhere else but Disneyland… Ok, that’s not entirely true. I knew they were elsewhere; I just had yet to encounter one outside of Disneyland. Although I was disappointed that it wasn’t a Maglev. The ride was more bumpy than I expected in the great city of Las Vegas.
The MGM Grand is sick. I love the styling. Lots of clean lines, dark granite, very cool. Lewis Black was is having a series of show there. I hope I get chane to catch one. There so many restaurants and little bars and gin joints that are all incredible looking. It just made me look forward to our first night on the town. Matt got himself on the poker list there, and we got some food right quick. Then, while Matt hit the poker, I explored a bit.
Of particular note, I hit the Coke store. Which had a “soft drinks from around the world” sampler that I had to try. I can’t remember all of them… however, there was one from Japan that was pretty good called Vegita Beta. It wasn’t really carbonated though. There also one from Ireland that was really good. The German one was kinda meh… OH and the Ginger Beer one from South Africa almost made me boot.
I also saw the Monte Carlo, Aladdin, Paris, Bally’s, and The Bellagio. Not really anything in special about the first four. Paris had a really nice décor… Kinda makes you feel like you are in Paris. Although, if you have actually been to Paris, it doesn’t quite cut it. Oh, and there were was a sick shopping area in Aladdin… I really had no idea that there was actually a store called fcuk. Seriously, I thought that shit was a joke. French Connection, my ass.
The Bellagio, on the other had, was incredible. Man, I felt way too underdressed just walking around there. On the way out, I just happened to catch the fountain show. Which was sweet. Just being in the Bellagio, and seeing the fountain show and everything made me feel like I was in Ocean’s Eleven. It was awesome.
We met back up later, caught some foods, and then headed back to the hotel to cleaned up for our little VIP night on the town.
We met our group at the Mist Ultralounge in Treasure Island. It’s a small lounge type bar. Music was a little too loud considering that it was a lounge. But then the group moved to Tangerine in Treasure Island, Which I really really liked. It wasn’t so loud that I couldn’t talk to people and there was a terrace overlooking the strip. This place was actually my favorite of the night.
Then we headed to the ICE Meta Club. Which was the one I had been looking forward to for a week. It was nice… but I couldn’t see shit and we weren’t there that long… I don’t know. It’s possible I may have been way too drunk to appreciate it at that point. Which is very very possible.
Next was The Beach. I was also very very drunk here. Apparently, I did some things here that I don’t really remember. And I definitely did some things… that were *ahem* in bad taste…
Currently, I’m sitting in my hotel room, totally hung over. The next day begins here.
If You Are Reading This, You're Probaby Not An Idiot
Wow. It’s been a while since I updated. My bad. I’ve got a whole list of blogs I’ve wanted to write. I just haven’t. I’d say it’s because I’m busy, but let’s be honest; I probably had time to do it in the last 4 months. I just didn’t feel like it.
Anyways, you’re probably wondering what has possessed me to break the silence. Well, I discovered something yesterday. Something I had forgotten. But now that I have seen the light, I appreciate it that much more.
I realized that my friends and I are generally intelligent individuals. Now, I’m not trying toot our proverbial horn or brag or say that we are smarter than everyone else or anything along those lines. I’m just saying that
in general, we are intelligent individuals.
What brought this about? I helped these two kids that bought our couch move it to their apartment (for an additional fee, of course). I’ve don’t think I’ve ever met two kids that stupid before. Either that or they have never moved anything larger than themselves during their lifetime. And even if that were the case, I’m not sure that would completely account for the level of stupid they displayed.
It started at our yard sale on Saturday. These two kids show up with their dad and want to buy the dresser and the couch. But they can’t take it immediately because not only do they not have transportation for it, they have no place to put it until later in the week. My first reaction was “Welp, too bad. Thee yuh…” But then I thought about it and realized that would actually be better because it would give us a place to sit, besides the floor, for the rest of the week. So, I offered to help them move the stuff for more money. We all agreed that the kid will call me on Monday to set up a time to move the goods. I take a deposit, everyone shakes hands, and I’m thinking, “This is great!”
And then the debacle began.
PlanningInstead of getting in touch with me, the kids show up at my house on Monday afternoon with two expectations. Expectation #1: That I am there. Expectation #2: I’m not busy, and willing to help them move the couch immediately. Neither of which is true. After I call the kid back and hurdling what are obvious mental deficiencies on his part, we agree that moving will be done on Tuesday during my lunch break.
Preparation- When moving large objects around, particularly up stairs, wear shoes, not sandals.
- When going to pick up a large object that you wish to place in the trunk of your car, ensure that your trunk is not filled to the brim with junk. Otherwise, you may end up having to move stuff from your trunk to your backseat whilst parked on the side of a crowded street with your flashers on while cars going around you are blaring their horns as they are being forced into opposing traffic.
- When taking care of something during a limited time frame, such as one’s lunch break, it is customary to take care of as much as possible before hand, so that the actual activity can be performed quickly and to allow for any minor setbacks. Examples of things that should be considered are: not showing up late, securing the room in which the furniture is to be moved to, and having the remainder of your payment in hand.
Moving Big ThingsObviously, these kids had never moved anything akin to a couch in their entire life. A major key to moving large heavy objects is balance. Let’s play a game. Imagine me carrying a couch from one end and someone else holding a couch from the other end. Now imagine there is a third person. Where do we put the third person? Perhaps, we should put him on my end. But then again, I am a fairly large individual. Perhaps he should help his buddy out on his end. Or maybe he could hold the doors open. Any of these answers are acceptable.
However, if you said on the side of the couch, you would be completely and totally wrong for a couple of reasons. First, it completely fucks the balance up for the other people carrying the couch by shifting the weight onto one side. Secondly… and this may be a shocker…, the third guy will not be fit through doorways with couch. Not particularly bad, because he is fucking up the balance for everyone else anyways.
Additionally, (and I know this may be hard to believe) there are instances in which objects need to be lifted above railings or other obstacles that are located in walkways or stairwells. Sometimes, to get through doorways, objects need to be rotated to fit through. I know its tough to make the brain work at the same time as your muscles, but cmon boys, you can do it.
ConclusionAs I waited by the ATM for them to get their money, two hours after I had left work on my lunch break (
and yeah, I know they’re cool about that stuff where I work, but that’s besides the point), I wanted to punch them both in the face. However, I summoned my patience, took the money, and walked away without a handshake, goodbye, or a thank you.
On the way back to work I thanked the stars that the people I spend most of my time with are not like that. They have their quirks and, at times, can be complete and total dumbasses. But they are nowhere near as completely spoiled and stupid as these kids were. And that makes me happy.
Elk Mountain
And then, as if to supplement the below blog, yesterday happened. But, I'll start from the beginning.
I went snowboarding yesterday at Elk Mountain. It was a bus trip organized by these two people, Dave and Jane. I was forwarded the email by my boss, so I was a tad apprehensive that this was gonna be a boring trip. Not because the snowboarding would somehow be bad, but because it would be with old/middle-aged people. I already got the impression from my boss that they didn't take too well to snowboarders. However, the trip was a ridiculously good deal. Sixty dollars for transportation via coach bus, lift ticket, donuts in the morning, and half a large Caspulla's sub and beer for the ride home. Hell, considering the lift ticket itself would cost $49 if I were to purchase it myself, it's a really really good deal. Especially considering the cost of gas right now. Additionally, it was a possible opportunity to earn some brownie points with my boss considering he was going on the trip.
When I got the place where the bus was to pick us up, my first thought was that this trip was going to be a boring as I thought it would be. Pretty much everyone that was going on the trip was already there and loaded up on the bus. And we got there fifteen mnutes early...
You may be wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Well, on bus trips like these, especially ones that leave at six in the morning, people are always late. There are always some people that get there at like 6:15. Even the people that get there at 6:00 on the nose are a problem because they have to load up all their shit and get settled. All this in spite of the fact that they were instructed to be there fifteen minutes earlier so they wouldn't hold up the show.
But not this trip. No No. I'm pretty sure Lex and I were the last ones there. And we arrived at 5:45 on the nose. We loaded up our gear and sat in the only open seats left in the bus, which were the ones all the way in the back. Right before 6:00, Jane did a head a count and we were gone.
Now, what does this have to do with trip being boring? Well, let's be honest; people who are usually very well organized aren't very fun. Don't quite know why... I think it has to do with lack of spontaneity. Maybe I'm wrong... but who really cares anyway. Especially since I was so incredibly wrong that it still boggles my mind.
As we all got settled in, the movie started, and people started chatting, I quickly realized that this was yet another case of really cool old people. The lady sitting directly in front of me started ripping on this other guy for being "gay" cause he ordered a cheese sub. First of all, I didn't know old people used the word "gay" in that manner. I was intially taken aback. But then I settled in, started talking and had a grand old time.
We got to the mountain two and half hours which, apparently, is record time. After we got our lift tickets and such, we headed up to the lodge, got all suited up, and went out.
The mountain was absolutley fantastic. The night before it had snowed 5 inches. And we got there right as the lifts were opening up. It was glorious. Simply glorious. We rarely get conditions like that here in the east, and when we do, it's a real treat. I was carving like champ. It was AWESOME.
It was so incredibly awesome, we skipped out on lunch. When you get conditions like that, there is no such thing as wasting time on lunch. That's an hour that you could have spent snowboarding.
After a number of runs, we decided to begin our quest to board every open trail on the mountain. And some that weren't open. (shhhhhh!)
One of the trails that we decided to conquer was their mogul run. It really didn't look that bad from the lift. Haha. Yeah, that's how it starts dosen't it? I knew I would be able to do it, but Lex was somewhat apprehensive. But, being the peer pressure person that I am, I convinced him to do it with me. As we approached the trail, and I got the edge of the drop-off, I realized how steep the run was. That combined with the moguls was more than Lex had ever attempted before. I turned and told him to go around and then I started down the trail. I got about 200 feet down the trail and I looked up. To my complete and total surprise, Lex was there about 100 feet behind me. I yelled "Hey man, it's your funeral." I then proceeded to get to the bottom as fast as I could so that I could sit back and enjoy the show. To be fair, he got to the bottom without any major problems. Props to him for doing that his 4th time ever on a snowboard.
Another one of the trails was a terrain park. Now, terrain parks and I don't mix very well. I'd be happy to kick your ass in a race down the mountain, however, bring a one foot jump into it and I turn into a giant pussy.
However, on my first tour of the terrain park, I saw that they had a tabletop set up. Now, those of you that know me, know that the tabletop and I have a history together. And by history, I mean that we've met once before and it thoroughly kicked my ass. So, I was determined to do it this time.
We went came back down the mountain to the terrain park and I went for it. Boy, was that a mistake. The box top was more slippery than the snow itself. As soon as I got up on the box, my board just flew out from under me. It hurt, but I was fine. I'm told that the fall was quite spectactular. Then Lex, probably still on tilt from his mogul run, attempted the tabletop as well. I'm happy to tell you that his fall was spectacular as well. He fell on his ass, but from my angle, it looked like the he pulled a spinebreaker on the box. In case you care, he is ok too.
After that fall, we did a few more runs and then we came in for the day. After changing we headed to the bar to hang out with the other people from the trip for the last half hour before the bus loaded up.
And drinking began. Wow. And then we loaded up the bus, scarfed down our subs, and the drinking continued. It was awesome. I felt like I was hanging out with bunch of college kids. And then this lady busted out this bottle of mulberry vodka. And we started doing shots. And then this other guy brought margaritas. At one point one of the ladys told me "you know your parents act like this when you aren't around!" Haha. Man, I wish she was right.
But seriously, It was an absolute blast and I definitley plan on going again.
