If You Are Reading This, You're Probaby Not An Idiot
Wow. It’s been a while since I updated. My bad. I’ve got a whole list of blogs I’ve wanted to write. I just haven’t. I’d say it’s because I’m busy, but let’s be honest; I probably had time to do it in the last 4 months. I just didn’t feel like it.Anyways, you’re probably wondering what has possessed me to break the silence. Well, I discovered something yesterday. Something I had forgotten. But now that I have seen the light, I appreciate it that much more.
I realized that my friends and I are generally intelligent individuals. Now, I’m not trying toot our proverbial horn or brag or say that we are smarter than everyone else or anything along those lines. I’m just saying that in general, we are intelligent individuals.
What brought this about? I helped these two kids that bought our couch move it to their apartment (for an additional fee, of course). I’ve don’t think I’ve ever met two kids that stupid before. Either that or they have never moved anything larger than themselves during their lifetime. And even if that were the case, I’m not sure that would completely account for the level of stupid they displayed.
It started at our yard sale on Saturday. These two kids show up with their dad and want to buy the dresser and the couch. But they can’t take it immediately because not only do they not have transportation for it, they have no place to put it until later in the week. My first reaction was “Welp, too bad. Thee yuh…” But then I thought about it and realized that would actually be better because it would give us a place to sit, besides the floor, for the rest of the week. So, I offered to help them move the stuff for more money. We all agreed that the kid will call me on Monday to set up a time to move the goods. I take a deposit, everyone shakes hands, and I’m thinking, “This is great!”
And then the debacle began.
Planning
Instead of getting in touch with me, the kids show up at my house on Monday afternoon with two expectations. Expectation #1: That I am there. Expectation #2: I’m not busy, and willing to help them move the couch immediately. Neither of which is true. After I call the kid back and hurdling what are obvious mental deficiencies on his part, we agree that moving will be done on Tuesday during my lunch break.
Preparation
- When moving large objects around, particularly up stairs, wear shoes, not sandals.
- When going to pick up a large object that you wish to place in the trunk of your car, ensure that your trunk is not filled to the brim with junk. Otherwise, you may end up having to move stuff from your trunk to your backseat whilst parked on the side of a crowded street with your flashers on while cars going around you are blaring their horns as they are being forced into opposing traffic.
- When taking care of something during a limited time frame, such as one’s lunch break, it is customary to take care of as much as possible before hand, so that the actual activity can be performed quickly and to allow for any minor setbacks. Examples of things that should be considered are: not showing up late, securing the room in which the furniture is to be moved to, and having the remainder of your payment in hand.
Moving Big Things
Obviously, these kids had never moved anything akin to a couch in their entire life. A major key to moving large heavy objects is balance. Let’s play a game. Imagine me carrying a couch from one end and someone else holding a couch from the other end. Now imagine there is a third person. Where do we put the third person? Perhaps, we should put him on my end. But then again, I am a fairly large individual. Perhaps he should help his buddy out on his end. Or maybe he could hold the doors open. Any of these answers are acceptable.
However, if you said on the side of the couch, you would be completely and totally wrong for a couple of reasons. First, it completely fucks the balance up for the other people carrying the couch by shifting the weight onto one side. Secondly… and this may be a shocker…, the third guy will not be fit through doorways with couch. Not particularly bad, because he is fucking up the balance for everyone else anyways.
Additionally, (and I know this may be hard to believe) there are instances in which objects need to be lifted above railings or other obstacles that are located in walkways or stairwells. Sometimes, to get through doorways, objects need to be rotated to fit through. I know its tough to make the brain work at the same time as your muscles, but cmon boys, you can do it.
Conclusion
As I waited by the ATM for them to get their money, two hours after I had left work on my lunch break (and yeah, I know they’re cool about that stuff where I work, but that’s besides the point), I wanted to punch them both in the face. However, I summoned my patience, took the money, and walked away without a handshake, goodbye, or a thank you.
On the way back to work I thanked the stars that the people I spend most of my time with are not like that. They have their quirks and, at times, can be complete and total dumbasses. But they are nowhere near as completely spoiled and stupid as these kids were. And that makes me happy.
posted by Sunder @ 4:10 PM
Comments: 4
